Why “Healing” Shouldn’t be the Goal
Photo by Sophie Szabo
In the wellness community, we often hear the term "healing" thrown around as if it's the ultimate destination. The truth is, healing is a journey, not a destination. While it’s natural to seek relief from pain or discomfort, making healing the end goal can lead to frustration and disappointment. Here’s why we should shift our focus from healing to growth and self-acceptance.
Healing is a Personal Journey
Everyone’s healing journey is unique. What works for one person might not work for another. For instance, while one person may find solace in yoga and meditation, another might discover healing through creative expression or nature walks. By placing so much emphasis on the idea of healing, we can inadvertently create pressure on ourselves to conform to a particular narrative. Instead of aiming for a specific outcome, why not focus on your personal experience? Allow yourself to feel, reflect, and grow at your own pace. Remember, it’s okay to take detours; they often lead to the most beautiful discoveries about ourselves.
The Problem with Outcome-Based Goals
Research shows that outcome-based goals can lead to anxiety and stress. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals who focused solely on achieving specific outcomes often felt more pressure and less satisfaction. This kind of goal-setting can create a false sense of urgency and disappointment when the expected results don’t materialise. Instead of fixating on healing as the end goal, consider setting process-oriented goals, like committing to self-care practices or fostering emotional awareness. For instance, focus on the small daily actions that contribute to your well-being, such as drinking enough water, getting fresh air, or practicing mindfulness.
Growth Happens in the Messy Moments
Healing often comes from navigating life’s challenges. Embracing discomfort can lead to profound growth and understanding. Think about it: some of the most significant lessons we learn come from our struggles. Instead of viewing struggles as setbacks, see them as opportunities to learn more about yourself. Journalling, meditation, and engaging in supportive communities can help you process these moments more meaningfully. For example, journalling can provide clarity and allow you to express emotions you might otherwise suppress. It’s in these messy moments that we often find our strength and resilience.
Practice Self-Compassion
A key aspect of the journey is practicing self-compassion. Research from the Journal of Clinical Psychology indicates that self-compassion can lead to greater emotional resilience and overall well-being. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend. Instead of criticising yourself for where you are in your journey, practice kindness towards yourself. Remember, it’s okay not to be okay. Recognise that everyone has ups and downs; it’s a natural part of being human. When you embrace self-compassion, you open the door to acceptance and growth.
Actionable Steps:
Reflect: Spend a few minutes each day reflecting on your feelings and experiences without judgement. Consider keeping a journal where you can freely express your thoughts and emotions. This practice can help you gain insight into your journey and track your progress over time.
Set Process Goals: Instead of focusing solely on healing, set goals like practicing gratitude or exploring new self-care techniques. For example, try to identify three things you’re grateful for each day or dedicate time to a new hobby that brings you joy.
Connect: Reach out to a friend, therapist, or support group. Sharing your journey can help you feel less isolated. Sometimes just knowing that someone else understands what you’re going through can be incredibly validating and uplifting.
Embrace Imperfection: Allow yourself to be a work in progress. Life is a continuous journey of growth. Remind yourself that it’s perfectly okay to not have everything figured out. Embrace the uncertainty and recognise that it’s a part of your unique journey.
Let’s shift the narrative around healing. Instead of seeing it as a finish line, let’s recognise it as a part of our ongoing journey. Embrace the messiness of life, practice self-compassion, and focus on personal growth. Healing may be a part of your journey, but it shouldn’t be the goal.
Celebrate the small victories, learn from the challenges, and cherish the journey itself.
